This is the story of intense embarrassment and children who tell lies.
It was a typical morning.
And by typical I mean, I was lounging in my tiny nightie at 9:30 am.
I had just made a nice cup of French Vanilla coffee and was taking a sweet sip when I happened to look out the window.
I saw a police car.
I saw a police officer…
…walking up to my front door.
I ran my 8 month pregnant self to my bedroom and grabbed the only robe that currently covers my body.
“DON’T ANSWER THE DOOR YET, BOYS!” I yell from the bedroom.
The next thing I hear is the door opening and two perky 4 year old voices saying, “HI!”
Oh crap. Why won’t this robe go on????
“Is your mommy or daddy here?” I hear the police officer ask.
“No!” Both boys say in unison. “Daddy’s at work.”
No mention of mommy who is struggling to put the wrong arm in the wrong sleeve of the robe.
“Hmm….Your mommy and Daddy aren’t home?” (Probably thinking: I may need to call Social Services.)
Me: (mentally screaming!) Go to your home, stupid robe sleeve!
Finally the arms get in the right holes. QUICK! wrap robe over ginormous belly and make sure décolletage is covered. Realize that robe no longer comes to my knees….
“YES! YES! I am here!” I run to the door.
I realize that my children are grinning at the police officer in all their whitey-tighty glory.
I also remember that I haven’t showered in two days.
Thankfully the officer seems unfazed and hands me a subpoena for my husband, Aaron (who witnessed a domestic violence episode a few months ago and gave a police report about it).
Four minutes later the police officer leaves.
However, it takes several hours for my intense mortification to go away.
The moral of this story is:
Teach your children to NOT ANSWER THE DOOR without a parent.
And….get dressed before 9:30am.